normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
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Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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