Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
