my mouth tastes like poor choices
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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