What a fucking waste of an outfit
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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