I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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