All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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