btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
