It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
