dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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