Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
