So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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