I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
