You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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