I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
