i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he shaved USA in his pubs
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
