but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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