I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
