sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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