Buhtt sex?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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