in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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