I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
