is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
