I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
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If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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