I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
