I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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