Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
