The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
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I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize