dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
