Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
