Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
