The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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