sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
