I love black thongs
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
