yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
