i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
