last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
