i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
