i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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