so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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