We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
