i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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