Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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