I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
