I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
