I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
