He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think people are normalizing furries
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
