im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
