All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
