Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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