She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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