There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
