I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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