If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm both gender and math confused
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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