she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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