Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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