I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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