I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
