saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
