she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
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I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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