and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
