I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
