I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
