i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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