He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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