Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
