is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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