on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
