Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
