also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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