HIV tests are more positive than that guy
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
