sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hippo gnu deer
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
